(chatter beeps repeatedly) Kamal: Dammit! Hiro: That's like the seventh time today you've refused to answer your chatter. I'd say it was your mother... Kamal: My mother is 42 light years away. Hiro: ...except you'd never dare not answer your mother. Bill collectors, perhaps, or immigration? Kamal: Dammit! Hiro: Or you've been breaking hearts in the nursing dorms, haven't you? (walks to the window) If I look out the window here, I bet I see like four of them, standing outside in short skirts and those cute little caps, just waiting. Kamal: You need a girlfriend. Hiro: We both need girlfriends.
(chatter beeps) Kamal: It's not a girlfriend at the other end of that chatter, it's a gangster. Hiro: Good looking gangster? Kamal: Pony tail. Hiro: This is what I'm saying, you're in no position to be picky. Kamal: I was ghosting his chatter and I sort of let him notice. Hiro: You did what? You were showing off. Kamal: Yeah. Hiro: For a girl. Kamal: Yeah. Hiro: For the arrangement. Kamal: I wish you wouldn't call her that, her name is Sophia. Hiro: Hmmph, her name is trouble. Kamal: What do you mean? (a knock at the door) Hiro: Did I forget to mention that a good looking guy with a pony tail was coming up to the apartment? (knocking) Kamal: Oh no.
Kamal: Freelance? Aiden: Free as in paid, dude. As in, I would pay you money to use your powers for good instead of-- Kamal: Spying on you? Aiden: That. Kamal: I don't think... it would be a good idea to work for you. Aiden: Oh, you mean because of Sophia? Sophie and I worked things out. Where's my damn chatter? (chatter beeps on) Aiden: Soph, you want to talk to Kamal? Sophia:(on chatter) Hi, Kamal. Aiden's a bastard. Kamal: Pardon me? Sophia:(on chatter) (laughs) But he's my bastard. Kamal: That's... good...
Aiden: Thanks Soph. (chatter beeps off) Aiden: See? Kamal: Yeah. Aiden: You're underestimating her. Kamal: What? Aiden: You talked to her in the last couple of days. Kamal: A little. Aiden: She told you about the bracelet. Kamal: Um... Aiden: You think I bought her off? Kamal: It's an expensive bracelet! Aiden: If you think she's a whore, then-- Kamal:(talking over him) Don't say it. Aiden: If I had given her that before we made up, Sophie would have run me through with a butcher knife. Kamal: Good... I mean... Aiden: You didn't want to be disappointed. Kamal: I'm not. Aiden: I'm a good judge of people, Kamal, you're not. Kamal: You shouldn't assume anything about me. Aiden: You think I'm stupid. I'm friendly, I smile a lot. That's not what you respect. Okay. Kamal: Respect? I don't think this has anything to do-- Aiden: Ah, not true, you think all the time. So, think about the freelance thing. Maybe come by for dinner tomorrow, Sophia's cooking. 6-ish? Kamal: I don't think that would be such a good id-- Aiden: Look at it this way, going to a job interview is not accepting a job. It's an interview. Dinner, okay?
Kamal: What does she see in him? Hiro: The pony tail; girls like hair. Kamal: He nearly called her a-- you heard what he said! Hiro: You think I was standing in my bedroom, with my ear pressed against the door eavesdropping? Kamal: You weren't? Hiro: Actually, I was, but it was really hard to hear. Kamal: He's so ... cocky. Hiro: Funny choice of words. Maybe its the jewelry? You can tell she's used to money. Kamal: I'll need a panic button. A backup. Hiro: He can keep her in the style to which she is accustomed... What do you mean a panic button? You're not going over there? Kamal: I'll set up a program, some... some kind of dead man switch. Hiro: Oh no, I don't want any part of this.
Hiro: I'm not trusting the hands and body of a future surgeon to the tender ministrations of a pissed off boyfriend. Kamal: You won't even have to go inside. Hiro: Good. Kamal: Unless... Hiro: No. Kamal: ...I can't get to my chatter. You can be a couple blocks away, ghosting me. Hiro: Are you even listening to me? I. Don't. Wanna. Be. Involved. Kamal: We'll need a code word. I'll say... the twelve cranial nerves. Hiro: The twelve cranial nerves? Kamal: Its not likely to come up in conversation. Hiro: Did you hear me say no? I said no. Kamal:(lost in thought) Except the cops need to come where I am. Okay, I've got it. Hiro: Kamal, you're not listening. Kamal: What?
Aiden: I'm going to check on Sophie in the kitchen. Let me get you another beer, dude. Be right back. (walks away) Kamal:(whispering) You there? Hiro:(on chatter) I'm here, dude. Its raining, I'm getting wet. Kamal:(whispering) So, cranial nerves, you hit the buttons. Hiro: Blue, then red. Kamal:(whispering) Yeah, blue, then red... I think... Yes. Aiden:(walking back) Good to have you over, good for Soph, someone from home. Kamal: Thank you, its nice to be invited. Aiden: Dinner was good, huh? She's a good cook. Kamal: Very good. The kofta were maybe the best I've ever had. Aiden: Which was that? Kamal: The lamb meatballs. Aiden: Oh yeah, I like those... Home cookin'. So, your parents are trying to get here?
Kamal: They've applied, but they don't have any reason to be bumped in priority. So we're thinking when I get through with school and all that, I'll get permanent residency. Aiden: How far away is that? Kamal: At least a couple of years. Aiden: Hmm, that's a long time - a couple of years. So there's the freaking rub. Have you thought about bringing them in on a visitor's visa? Kamal: I was denied. Aiden: Lots of people trying to get here these days. Kamal: Sophia said her brother was coming. You... got him papers? Aiden: Yeah, he's inbound. Her mother won't leave Coral, though. Kamal: So, maybe there's a way you could help my parents? Aiden: It's nice to have you come over. That freelancing thing I mentioned? It would be great. You'd be coming around, Soph would have someone from home to talk to. Could you do something like set up a chatter account?
Kamal: A chatter account? I... I could set one up, but you don't need me to do that kind of thing. Aiden: Maybe try it now. Set me up a chatter account for Bakri Omari-Muengue. You need me to spell that? Kamal: What's his government number? Aiden: If Bakri could get a government number, Kamal, what would I need to pay you for? Kamal: Alright, but this isn't about money, it's about my family. Aiden: Bringing your parents to Earth? We could talk about that. Kamal: I just want it clear, if I work for you, you'll see about getting my family here? Aiden: Kamal, that's what I do.
Kamal: Okay, I can find an unclaimed address and set up a shell. From the outside it will be just like a regular account. Aiden: What time is it, anyway? Kamal: Okay, this will just take a sec. I have to build a filter to find an unclaimed address. (a banging on the door) Aiden: Yeah? Officer: Berkeley police. Aiden: What did you freakin' do? (banging on the door) Officer: Open up. Berkeley police. Kamal: I didn't do anything! Aiden: The Berkeley cops use their shock sticks, you know. (Aiden opens door)
Aiden: Officer, what can I do for you on this drizzly evening? Officer: You with the chatter, hands off it. Are you the resident-- Hands off the chatter! Put them on your head. On your head. Who's apartment is this? Aiden: I live here. Officer: Your name? Aiden: Aiden Maki. Officer: Can I see your ID? Aiden: Sure. What seems to be the problem? Officer: We got a trace on the chatter for a possible CP fraud. Sir, do you want to tell me just exactly what you were doing? Kamal: Um, I was... I was looking up a friend's address. Officer: I'm sorry I will have to confiscate that chatter. Aiden: Don't you have to have some sort of warrant? Kamal:(whispering) Oh God, olfactory, optic, oculomotor, trigeminal... Aiden: Officer, my friend is just looking up an address. Hiro:(on chatter) What? Oh, oh right, that's me.
Officer: I will deal with you in a moment, Mr. Maki, and I will need to see some ID. Kamal:(whispering) Red, red, red, red, red! (louder) Those are really great red... red curtains, Aiden. Hiro: I thought it was blue? Kamal:(whispering) Red! Hiro: Okay. Aiden: My friend is very passionate about interior decoration. Officer: I'm going to have to confiscate that chatter. (chatter on, radio mumbling) Copy that, repeat address please. (radio mumbling) Jesus Christ, I'm on my way. (chatter off) You're a lucky bastard, I've got a priority one, I've got to go. (walking away) Aiden: You have to go? Officer: Officer Under Fire about a block and a half from here. Aiden:(disappointed) That's it? Officer:(to chatter)Unit 216 responding to backup, I'm less than two blocks ...(closes door)
Hiro:(on chatter) Kamal, what's going on? Aiden: That was weird... and convenient. Kamal:(emphasizing) Yes, um, much more convenient than if you were to suddenly drop your chatter down a sewer. Aiden: What? Hiro:(on chatter) What? Kamal:(emphasizing) Yes, if you were to lose your chatter. Aiden: What? Hiro: What? Kamal: For God's sake, you moron, smash the damn chatter with a brick and get the hell out of there! (sirens heard through chatter) Hiro: Do what? Oh, the blue button. Only you didn't let me hit the blue button, you made me hit the red one. And that means... I hate you. (chatter off) Aiden: You had someone ghosting you. You pulled some hacker stunt to get that cop out of here. Kamal:(weakly) Not me. Some other dog that looks just like me...
Aiden:(smug) You were afraid. You were thinking I might be the kind of guy who would hold a grudge. Say, break your fingers, each one, with a tack hammer... (thunder booms outside) Aiden: Kamal, I am so not that guy. Kamal:(walking away) I've gotta go. I've gotta check on my friend. Aiden: No, stay, we'll talk. Kamal: For some reason, it's never Plan A. No, I got my friend in a world of trouble, I've gotta go. (opens door) Tell Sophia... thanks for dinner.
(door opens) Kamal: Hiro? Hiroyuki, are you home? Hiro: You bastard. Kamal: Thank God you're home. You're okay? They didn't pick you up? Hiro: I'm okay, no thanks to you and half the Berkeley police department. Kamal: I didn't plan it that way. Hiro: I smashed the chatter, threw it down a sewer grate, and then it started raining cops. Cops in cars, cops on foot, cops dropping out of camo'd helios, cops every-damn-where. Kamal: Sophia sent leftovers. Hiro: And now I don't have a chatter. Kamal: I know. I'm going to give you mine. Hiro: I don't want your chatter, all my stuff was on mine.
Hiro: My address book, my schedule, my debit account, every damn thing! Kamal: Mine is cooler than yours. Hiro: You just couldn't let me hit that blue button, could you? Kamal: That would have pushed the 'Officer Under Fire' alert to my chatter, which was Plan A for if Aiden tried to, you know... Hiro: Pull out your lungs? Kamal: Don't sound so eager... But as it turned out, I needed the cop to go away. Hiro: Away meaning to me, and cop meaning every armed officer within 50 city blocks, all because I hit the red button. Kamal: The 'Officer Under Fire' alert. Hiro: While it was still on my chatter. Kamal: Yeah, but Sophie sent leftovers. Hiro: Leftovers? Kamal: Yeah, she made marties, little stuffed appetizers, and spiced lamb meatballs, with real meat, with almond rice and, and milk pudding... So, are we okay? Hiro:(talking with his mouth full) Dude!
Jan: Hey, Marta, whatcha got today? Marta: I got pigeon and the special. Jan: What's the special? Marta: I'd stick with the pigeon. Jan: (giggles) Maybe later. Marta: Mmm hmm, maybe later when I'm not looking, you mean? Jan: (laughing) Hey, hey, I was a kid, jeez, let it go. Marta: (as Jan walks away) (laughs) Hey, you tell that good looking daddy of yours 'Hey' for me, okay?
(someone driving up) 'Stupid Cop': Hey, Janissary. Jan: (warily) Officer.
'Stupid Cop': Does your dad know you're cutting the sleeves off his old shirts? Jan: (mockingly) Everybody loves a girl in uniform.
'Stupid Cop': Listen, Jan, I need your help. Jan: Well, I'd crop that blue shirt of yours, flash a little skin. A little detailing in your holster wouldn't hurt either. Accessorize, that's the key.
'Stupid Cop': Get in the car, Jan. Jan: I can't do anything for you.
'Stupid Cop': Oh, I think you can. Let's take a ride so I can explain things. Jan: You can explain things right here.
'Stupid Cop': Okay. You ever want to be a cop? Jan: (sarcastic) Oh yeah, its all I think about.
'Stupid Cop': There's so many sons of bitches in the world, Jan, being a cop is a frustrating job. Jan: Hmmm, you look frustrated.
'Stupid Cop': If I got too frustrated, I might have to redirect my attention to that fire last week. The one that destroyed all your test samples. Jan: Hey, I didn't do anything.
'Stupid Cop':You didn't. Jan: But... Why would he...?
'Stupid Cop': You are going to help me, Jan, but I want you to know why. Take a look at this vid tonight. Jan: What is it?
'Stupid Cop': Take a look. My chatter number's on the case. Call me when you're done, then I'll tell you what you're gonna do.
(video playing of a woman being beaten/tortured/raped?) Victim: Aaah! Aaah! Aah! Stop it, please! No, let me--! Aah! No! Aah!
(chatter beeps on)
(chatter number dialed)
'Stupid Cop': (on chatter) Yo? Jan: What do you want me to do?
'Stupid Cop': You watch it? Jan: What do you want?
'Stupid Cop': At 8:30 tomorrow night, you need to be at the southwest corner of 4th, downtown, under the big Spaceways vacation sign. Jan: What do I do?
'Stupid Cop': Just be on time, we'll take it from there. Jan: And what's going to happen?
'Stupid Cop': Well, I'm not going to get an arson warrant for your dad. Jan: And?
(knocking)
'Stupid Cop': Don't be late. Jan: Yeah.
(chatter beeps off)
(door opening) James J: Hey, Dwayne dropped by again. Jan: Yeah, I know, I was just... Aren't you supposed to menace guys so they won't hit on me? James J: You can take care of yourself. Jan: I say that a lot, don't I? James J: Yeah. Hey, what's on your mind? Jan: Just... nothing, Dad. James J: Real nothing or 'code nothing'? Jan: Well, you never talk about your unit. James J: My, my what? Jan: Most demobs, they talk about their unit. They brag, they have buddies over, and bitch about the officers they hated, and lie about their kills. James J: (scoffs) That was a long time ago. Jan: Didn't you like them? James J: I served with the best, Jan, the best. Jan: Then why don't you ever talk-- James J: Do you want me to be one of those sorry, old bastards that sit around the apartment all day drinking beer and reminiscing about the good old days? Jan: Yeah, sometimes. James J: Duly noted. (chuckles)
(police siren)
'Stupid Cop': Sir, I'm going to need to search your vehicle. Man: Excuse me?
'Stupid Cop': Step out of the car please, and keep your hands where I can see them. Man: What did I do?
'Stupid Cop': Step out of the car, sir, now. Man: What is this? Officer, I just left work. Come on, I haven't had time to do anything illegal.
'Stupid Cop': (drawing weapon) I'm going to have to ask you to step out-- Man: Hey, what the hell are you doing?
'Stupid Cop': Drop the weapon!!
(two gunshots)
Jan: (horrified) Oh my god!
(woman screams)
'Stupid Cop': Step back, keep away from this vehicle. Civilian 1: Oh my god. Civilian 2: The cop just shot that guy!
(people running)
'Stupid Cop': He had a weapon. You, miss, you were standing right there. You saw he drew a weapon. Right? Jan: (slowly) Right.
(chatter beeps on)
'Stupid Cop': This is Fox-977, requesting an ambulance, this location. One citizen.
(radio mumbling)
'Stupid Cop': No, I'm okay, send uniforms for crowd control though.
(radio mumbling)
'Stupid Cop': Just a traffic stop, he drew a weapon.
(radio mumbling)
'Stupid Cop': Yeah, we'll need the scene team, but you can tell the ambulance crew their client is DRT.
(radio mumbling)
(chatter beeps off)
'Stupid Cop': Miss, don't go anywhere. We'll need you to give a statement on a lie detector about what you saw. All standard procedure. Jan: (in disbelief) You just--
'Stupid Cop': Name? Jan: You know my... Janissary James.
'Stupid Cop': We'll get you home as soon as we've taken a statement, Miss James. Jan: (slowly) Can I ask you a question, Officer?
'Stupid Cop': Step over here, Miss James. Jan: What does DRT stand for?
'Stupid Cop': (opens car door) Watch your head. It means 'Dead Right There'. (closes car door)
(car engine starting)
(car drives; background radio chatter) Jan: So what now? Every guy you know who beats his girlfriend, you're just going to face-hole him and blackmail somebody into backing you up?
'Stupid Cop': Not just anyone, a civilian witness who can pass the lie detector. The coroner's inquest is going to eat that up. Jan: Wow, serve and protect.
'Stupid Cop': Last week, when I had your hand on the PQI and you sat there cool as a creamsicle and lied your pretty ass off, and the machine was too stupid to tell, I just wanted to lean across the desk and slap you... Jan: Well, now I know something. Are you going to pull me over in a couple of weeks and pop me too?
'Stupid Cop': ...and a couple of days later, I figured out you were the answer to a prayer. Jan: (angrily) You can't... you can't just kill people. It can't be that easy.
'Stupid Cop': Cool out, Janissary James, you didn't kill anybody. I did. Jan: You made me part of it.
'Stupid Cop': That vid you screened? That was my buddy's daughter. If that was you, what do you think your father would have done? Jan: Leave my dad out of this.
'Stupid Cop': Too late, Jan. Sometime when you were a baby, somebody stuck you with a needle and shot you full of miracles. Smart, fast, strong, never get sick, never get drunk, don't need much sleep... Jan: (in disbelief) How do you know?
'Stupid Cop': And what did you do?
'Stupid Cop': Shoplifting. Play high school goddess for the tormented geeks in your neighborhood. Jan: Oh, I, I guess I should have been out on the streets murdering bad guys, huh? Strangling jaywalkers on my way home from school?
'Stupid Cop': When I was your age, I pulled strings so I could join up a year early. Wanted to help save humankind. So you're about the last person on the planet I need a civics lecture from. Jan: Well, you sure as hell need one from somebody.
'Stupid Cop': What I needed was an asset to solve a problem. You were just dumb enough to make yourself available. Jan: (sniffs) Look, you just made me help you murder someone. Could you just be a little bit nice to me?
'Stupid Cop': ...Yeah. Okay.
(jazz music plays) Jersey: Wait, hang on... Oh! This bit is great! (Jazz music plays) My dad loves this stuff. He says ... Well, he's away a lot, like, years at a time. It drives him crazy. He says this stuff reminds him of what he's fighting for. Durga: I don't understand. Jersey: That he can connect. He can listen to this stuff and imagine the people who made it. They cared about the same things we do: making a buck, finding a girl, rooting for the home team. These old guys, they really knew people. They knew the human heart, that's what my dad says. Durga: Why are you telling me this? Jersey: It's a long way away, you know, out to wherever he is. He gets lonely out there... I wish you hadn't told me. Durga: What? Jersey: About my mom. Durga: Oh.
Jersey: It doesn't matter, forget about it. Durga: I'm sorry. Jersey: It's okay. It's alright. I'm a survivor. Durga: Jersey, listen. Jersey: You got something good? Durga: (surprised) What? Jersey: Nah, I can tell. There's something about you, like, your refresh rate goes up or something when you're, you know, like... Durga: Efficient? Jersey: (chuckles) Gloating. Durga: It's about Kamal. I started to-- Jersey: Why are you following that guy anyway? I mean, not to be a jerk about it, but the planet's crawling with refues [refugees]. Durga: I don't know. He just seems very interesting to me. Jersey: Why? Durga: It's not important. Jersey: It's happening again? Durga: Yes. Jersey: The reflecting thing? Durga: Yes. Jersey: You aren't supposed to want to know why you want to know about this guy, you know? Durga: Yes. Jersey: And that bugs the hell out of you. Durga: I am a very curious girl.
Jersey: So, about Kamal. Durga: I ran a secondary ring around him. Jersey: A second? Never mind. Durga: Listen to this.
(recording starts) Aiden: ...so you come by about 6:20, 6:30, something like that. Officer: I bang on the door, demand to come in, look scary. Jersey: Pause it. Who's this?
(recording stops) Durga: The police officer. Jersey: What? Durga: A police officer is a member of the civilian authority structure, granted an exclusive license to use force in the maintenance of socie-- Jersey: I know what a cop is. This is the cop? What's the timestamp? Durga: 13:27:41. Jersey: Before Kamal came over to the girl's apartment? Durga: Before. Jersey: Daaaamn!
(recording starts) Aiden: I think of it as product testing, quality assurance. I need people who, you know, can work well under pressure. Officer: You want him arrested? Aiden: You trying to sell me a bigger ticket item? No, just rattle and roll it. Officer: I was thinking this time you can-- Aiden: Regular prices! Officer: You want to stay friends with me, Aiden? Aiden: I keep a lot of friends, friend. I know the going rate.
(recording stops) Jersey: Un-freaking-believable! Durga: You know what I am? Jersey: Incredibly illegal? Durga: (Interrogator's voice) Good at my job. Jersey: Heh, you do impressions. Just what the world needs, super-powered spyware with a sense of humor. Wow. Durga: I've been thinking a lot about bees.
Jersey: Bees? Durga: Yes. Jersey: Why? Durga: I don't know. Jersey: And that's like, creepy? Durga: Yes. Jersey: This is more reflection stuff, isn't it? Durga: Yes. Jersey: Huh, when I was little, we had this mirror in the bathroom. I used to hide behind the door and jump out and see if I could catch my reflection doing something interesting. Durga: Startle it? Jersey: Well, before it had time to just, you know, mirror me. Durga: You think that's what I'm doing? Jersey: Well, the thing is, you have to jump out awful fast. Durga: Yes. Jersey: I gotta tell you, I feel kind of weird about listening to this stuff about Jan. I mean, I'm kind of wondering if you can do a little backscan on the chick down the hall and all of a sudden you're drilling into hardened police emergency channels and... Durga: So you don't want any more material on Janissary James? Jersey: No... I mean, yeah... Well, I mean, whatcha got?
(recording starts)
'Stupid Cop': ...So you're about the last person on the planet I need a civics lecture from. Jan: Well, you sure as hell need one from somebody.
'Stupid Cop': What I needed was an asset to solve a problem. You were just dumb enough to make yourself available. Jan: (sniffs) Look, you just made me help you murder someone. Could you just be a little bit nice to me?
'Stupid Cop': Yeah. Okay.
(recording stops) Jersey: That... wasn't what I was expecting. Durga: I know. Jersey: Damn. Durga: Should I stop? Jersey: (takes a breath) For a quality experience, the girls have to be real.
Jersey: Hang on, let me turn this off...(turns off the jazz) You know, I just had a creepy thought. Durga: A bee dies when it stings you. Jersey: ...Yeah? Durga: But it can also sting you after it's dead. Jersey: Yuck. Durga: Curious symmetry. Jersey: Okay, that's a creepy thought too, but you know what I was thinking? Durga: What? Jersey: How spooky it would be if someone was listening to us right now. Durga: To us? Jersey: Spying on us, you know, like we're listening to them. Durga: That would be impossible. I would know. Jersey: Yeah, I guess you're right, but if they were... creeeeepy.
(entering pub) Avi: Hey, you dry old man, they have very good pie here. Herzog: Best in Boston. Avi: Apple, Key Lime, French Silk, or Baklava. Although, the best Baklava is from Acco. One of those places everyone has been... Romans, Crusaders, people as old as you. Herzog: You're older than I am. Avi: That's how I know you're an old man. Herzog: Key Lime then. Avi: (snaps fingers) Two pieces of Key Lime, and coffee. Waitress: Comin' up. Avi: So, what happened? Herzog: With the chatter net? Avi: With everything. Herzog: The ship, the one that crashed out of the slipstream inside lunar orbit... Avi: The Apocalypso. Herzog: Right. Avi: It wasn't just the ship?
Herzog: Right. Avi: It was one of ours, huh? Navy spy ship? Herzog: Right again. Avi: There's more... But either you don't know it or you can't tell me. Herzog: You said you had a recruit. Avi: - A candidate Herzog: (skeptically) ...a candidate Avi: (sigh) You should retire, old man. Herzog: I have work to do. More work since some people left the business to take soft professor jobs. Avi: I got too old for the game. And I was younger than you are now. Herzog: You said you had a candidate...? Avi: A mouse. You would never know she's there. She's a scholarship girl from some god-forsaken hick town. Although, the only way you can tell is her haircut. She's got the clothes alright, she just seems to have a blind spot about the hair. Herzog: Good, good. Avi: She looks at the things ordinary people do, like a scientist. Herzog: ...like a detective. Avi: Also persistent as hell. I'll send you her dossier next week.
(pie arrives) Herzog: Ah, the famous pie.
Sources
^Each chapter is a week apart, and the last chapter includes the start of the Covenant invasion of Earth: a verifiable date.
Trouble with the audio sample?