Avery J. Johnson/Quotes

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Halo: Combat Evolved

Scripted Dialog

"You heard the lady! Move like you've got a purpose!"
"Oh, bitch...oh, bitch...oh—"when stuck with a grenade.
"Knock, knock...Cortana, you okay?" when the master chief dies.
"Men, keep your eyes downrange, fingers on the triggers, and we all come home in one piece. Am I right, Marines? - Johnson's speech on Easy.
"Once again, it is our job to finish what the flyboys started. We are leaving this ship's platoon, and engaging the Covenant on solid ground. When we meet the enemy, you will rip their skulls from their spines, and toss 'em away, laughin'! Am I right, Marines?" - Johnson's speech on Normal.
"Men, here is where we show those split-chin, squid-head, sons of bitches that they could not have picked a worse enemy than the human race. We are going to blow the hell out of those dumb bugs until we don't have anything left to shoot 'em with! And then, we are going to strangle them with their own living guts! Am I right, Marines?" - Johnson's speech on Heroic.
"Men, we led those dumb bugs out to the middle of nowhere to keep 'em from gettin' their filthy claws on Earth. But, we stumbled onto somethin' they're so hot for, that they're scramblin' over each other to get it. Well, I don't care if it's God's own personal anti-son-of-a-bitch machine, or a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let 'em have it! What we will let 'em have is a belly full of lead, and a pool of their own blood to drown in! Am I right, Marines?" -Johnson's speech on Legendary.
"All you greenhorns who wanted to see Covenant up close... this is gonna be your lucky day."
"Well, there's only one thing to say... That's all, folks!" - When the Master Chief is killed after attacking the crew on the Pillar of Autumn's bridge.
"It's a mess, sir. We're scattered all over this valley. We called for evac, but until you showed up, I thought we were cooked." - To the Master Chief on the level Halo.
"Hit it, Marines—go, go, go! The Corps ain't payin' us by the hour!" Beginning of Truth and Reconciliation(level) after the cut-scene.
"Don't even THINK about it, Marine!" - To Wallace Jenkins.

Legendary Ending

"C'mere you mother... I'm gonna... Grr... Ah!" - Struggling with an Elite for Assault Rifle.
"Oh, shi—" - When the Pillar of Autumn started to explode.
"This is it, baby. Hold me." - To the Elite, who hugs him.

When exiting the Halo Trial

"So. You beat the Halo demo. Not bad, soldier, not bad at all. But are you ready to take the next step?! In the full version of Halo, you'll find additional vehicles like tanks, plasma turrets, and aircraft: powerful, new human and alien weapons; a single player campaign spanning ten massive indoor and outdoor environments; and support for intense multiplayer battles with up to sixteen of your friends! ...Or enemies. All that wrapped up in an epic sci-fi story that's so freaky, it makes me shake just thinkin' about it. Halo: Combat Evolved. Buy one! Heck, buy two. That's an order, soldier!"

Random Phrases

"Get up, SO I CAN KILL YOU AGAIN!" - Shooting the enemy's corpse.
"Roadkill!"
"Why me...?" - Stuck by Plasma Grenade.
"School is now in session!"
"Leave some for me!"
"You mind not killing my men?!" - When you kill a Marine.
"You monkeys almost look like soldiers there!" - To the Marines.
"I'm proud of you, Marines!" - After a Marine scores a kill.
"Marines, we are going to aid Master Chief after he just saved your sorry asses!" - Assault on the Control Room.
"Ah, man, I just had the thing washed!" - After a roadkill.
"You're almost a man!" - After you or a Marine kills something.
"Who's the man?" (Marine says- "You are")
"Thank you!" - After Johnson kills a Sangheili or Unggoy.
"Just you and me now." - After all marines nearby have been killed.
"One down, 50 billion to go!" - After killing Covenant infantry.
"Do I owe you money?! " - After being hit by the player.
"Sorry, soldier"
"Don't get cocky!"
"Where are your glasses, boy?"- after shooting Marines or him.
"Stop whining!"
"We did bring enough ammo to kill these things!" - Referring to the Flood on the level 343 Guilty Spark as you're running to reach the structure
"No peeking!"
"Headshot!"
"We could use your help. Sir."
"I'm too pretty to die!"

Halo 2

Scripted Lines

"Well, he's in a particularly fine mood. Maybe Lord Hood didn't give him an invitation." - To the Master Chief, entering the tram car.
"Earth... Haven't seen it in years. When I shipped out for Basic, the orbital defense grid was all theory and politics. Now look! The Cairo is just one of three hundred geosync platforms. That MAC gun can put a round clean through a Covenant capital ship. With coordinated fire from the Athens and the Malta, northing's getting past this battle cluster in one piece. Ships have been arriving all morning. Nobody's saying much, but I think something big's about to happen." - In the tram car.
"And you told me you were gonna wear something nice." - In response to John-117 complaining about cameras on the Cairo station.
"For a brick, he flew pretty good." - Ending cut-scene of Cairo Station after the bomb detonates.
"If you want to keep your brain inside your head, I'd tell those boys to chill!" - To Tartarus in the Great Journey cut-scene.
"Dear Humanity... We regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!" - Opening cut-scene of Outskirts.
"Oh, I know what the ladies like..." - To Cortana when she thanks him for bringing her and the Master Chief a tank... and while cocking an M-247. Opening cut-scene of Metropolis.
"*Grunts* You know, your father never asked me for help, either!" - To Miranda Keyes after she retrieves the Index at the Library at the end of Quarantine Zone.
"Listen, you don't like me, and I sure as hell don't like you. But if we don't do something, Mr. Mohawk's gonna activate this ring, and we're all gonna die." - To the Arbiter, while piloting a Scarab, during The Great Journey.
"Please... don't shake the lightbulb!" - Referring to 343 Guilty Spark in The Great Journey.
"Well, I just happen to have a key! Come on, grab a Banshee and give me some cover. He's gonna know we're comin'." - Near the end of The Great Journey (Level), when he is told that Tartarus has locked himself in the control room on Delta Halo and happens to be commandeering a Scarab.
"Hey, bastard! Knock! Knock!" - Towards the end of The Great Journey (Level) when he blows open the control room on Delta Halo with a Scarab
"Hang tight, ma'am, not until that Brute is dead!" - Telling Keyes to wait until the Arbiter killed Tartarus before removing the Index

Gameplay Quotes

"If you didn't want your ass shot off, you shouldn't have stuck it out so far" - After shooting enemy (IWHBYD required).
"Yes, we know I'm pretty, but we gotta get back to work." - After being stared at for a period of time.
"I heard that, jackass!" - In response to a Marine on Delta Halo.
"That hurts, Chief. That hurts real bad." - When you take his Sniper Rifle.
"Don't make me take off my belt!"
"Don't look at me, look at them!" - When being stared at in the opening battle on Outskirts.
"You do know I was kicking ass with that?" - When you swap weapons with him.
"I thought we were friends!" - When you take his Sniper.
"Very funny, Cortana. Now turn him back on." - If the Master Chief stares at him for too long.
Do I look like an eight-foot-tall alien monster?." - If you shoot or melee him.
Chief, you've been through worse." - If the Master Chief dies.
"I'm too pretty to die!" - If he is stuck with a plasma grenade.
"I don't wanna kill ya, you're just too ugly to let live!".
"Looks like your freaky, little mouth just bit off more than it could chew!"- to a Grunt on the level, Outskirts.
"Don't they teach you kids how to swear in basic any more?!" - Outskirts Normal.
"Don't make me rip your arms off and beat you to death with them!" When a Grunt yells "Monkey!"
"We got Jackals in the courtyard!"
"come on arbiter, kick that guys ass!"-Supporting the arbiter when fighting Tarturus.
"Who's the Man?"

(To himselff) "You are!" "THANK YOU!" In response to himself

Metropolis Speeches

"You had your chance to be afraid before you joined my beloved Corps! But, to guide you back to the true path, I brought this motivational device! Our big green style cannot be defeated!"

— Easy

"The Chief is gonna jump in this tank, roll across the bridge, and blow up any inhuman son-of-a-bitch dumb enough to get between him and the Prophet of Regret! Pull yourself together, 'cause you're going with him."

— Normal

"When I joined the Corps, we didn't have any fancy-schmanzy tanks. We had sticks! Two sticks, and a rock for the whole platoon—and we had to share the rock! Buck up, boy, you are one very lucky marine!"

— Heroic

"Usually, the good Lord works in mysterious ways. But not today! This here is 66 tons of straight-up, H.E-spewing dee-vine intervention! If God is love, then you can call me 'Cupid'!"

— Legendary

Halo 3

Scripted Dialogue

"'What's an aspect ratio?' It's the shape and proportion of your screen, fool!" - On the AV Calibration tool.
"Crazy fool... why do you always jump?! One of these days, you're gonna land on something as stubborn as you are. And I don't do bits and pieces..." - to the Master Chief at the beginning of Halo 3.
"Come on, you dumb apes! If you want breakfast, you gotta catch it!" - to pursuing Brutes on Sierra 117.
"Send me out... with a bang." - To the Master Chief; Johnson's last words.
"Kick his ass." - to the Master Chief after he hands over the Spartan Laser to help defeat 343 Guilty Spark.
"Don't let her go... don't ever let her go." - to the Master Chief about Cortana.
"What's the matter, big shot? Can't start your own party?" - When Truth needs him to activate The Ark.
"This isn't as fun as it looks. Cut the power!" - When held prisoner behind a Covenant energy field.
Johnson can sometimes be heard humming Flight of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner when Forward Unto Dawn comes down on the Ark.
"Do you or do you not want to finish the fight?" - If you don't get on the Pelican at the end of Sierra 117, a referance to Halo 3's tagline.
"We're even, long as we're only countin' today." After being rescued by Master Chief.

Sierra 117 quotes

The cut-scene at the beginning of Sierra 117 in Halo 3 has several variations, and it is not yet known exactly which settings cause which

"They must love the scent of testosterone." - At the beginning of Sierra 117.
"They must love the smell of green." - At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Normal difficulty.
"They must love the smell of hero." - At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Heroic difficulty.
"They must love the smell of badass." - At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Legendary difficulty.
"They must love the smell of badass. And I left a little present for you Arbiter, and I'm walking away. Ha-ha-ha!" - At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Legendary difficulty, with IWHBYD Skull turned on.
"They must love the smell of a real man." - At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Legendary difficulty with IWHBYD Skull on.
"They must love the smell of Bulgari. Yeah, that's right I'm doing a little bit of product placement. I gotta get paid, too, you know!" - At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Legendary (possible without the IWHBYD skull on).

Books

"The Flood? Hell, Chief, it's going to take more than that pack of walking alien horror-show freaks to take out Sergeant A. J. Johnson!"
"Those Covenant sissies are going to have to tango with me before they set one foot in this room!"
"That doesn't look like an Uneven Elephant to me: looks more like two squids kissing."
"Help me with the lady, she weighs more than your last girlfriend."
Corporal Locklear: "Just shoot me now, Sarge, and get it over with. Don't torture me with that crap first."

Sergeant Johnson: "Suck it up, Marine. This is a classic."

Corporal Locklear: "So's a mercy killing."

Sergeant Johnson: "You better get it together, Marine, or the Chief'll reach down and pull you inside out by your corn hole. And that'll be a sweet, sweet mercy... compared to what I'm gonna do to you."