Avery J. Johnson/Quotes

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Halo: Combat Evolved

• "All you greenhorns who wanted to see Covenant up close? This is going to be your lucky day!" -To the marines on the Pillar of Autumn.

• "Well, there's only one thing left to say...(loudly, brashly vocalizes the "That's all, folks!" tune from Looney Toons)" -When the player is killed if he attacks the bridge crew of the Pillar of Autumn.

• "This 'stuff' is your history! Should remind you grunts what we're fighting to protect!" -Referring to Flip music

• "Get up, SO I CAN KILL YOU AGAIN!".

• "ROADKILL".

• "I would have been your daddy, but the dog beat me over the fence!"

• "This is it, baby. Hold me." To a miscellaneous Elite, in the non-canon Legendary ending of Halo: Combat Evolved.

• "Why me..." (When stuck with a plasma grenade.)

• "School is now in session"

• "You're ALMOST a man!"

Pillar of Autumn Speeches

"Keep your eyes downrange, fingers on the triggers, and we all come home in one piece. Am I right, Marines?"

— Easy

"Once again, it is our job to finish what the flyboys started. We are leaving this ship, platoon, and engaging the Covenant on solid ground. When we meet the enemy, we will rip their skulls from their spines and toss them away, laughing! Am I right, Marines?"

— Normal

"Men, here is where we show those split-chinned squid-headed sons of bitches that they could not have picked a worse enemy than the human race. We are going to blow the hell out of those dumb bugs until we don't have anything left to shoot them with. Then we will strangle them with their own living guts! Am I right, Marines?"

— Heroic

"Men, we have led these dumb bugs out to the middle of no-where to keep them from gettin' their filthy claws on Earth. But, we stumbled on something they're so hot for, that they're scrambling over each other to get it. Well, I don't care if its God's own anti-son-of-a-bitch machine or a giant hula hoop, we're not going to let them have it! What we will let them have is a belly full of lead and a pool of their own blood to drown in! Am I right, Marines?"

— Legendary

Halo 2

• "Very funny, Cortana. Now turn him back on." If the Master Chief stares at him for too long.

• "C'mon, get up Chief, you've been through worse." If the Master Chief dies.

• "I'm too pretty to die!" If he is stuck with a plasma grenade.

• "Hey, for a brick, he flew pretty good." Ending cutscene of Cairo Station after the bomb detonates

• "If you want to keep your brain inside your head I'd tell those boys to chill!" In the Great Journey Cutscene

• "I don't wanna kill ya, you're just too ugly to let live!".

• "Dear Humanity... We regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!" Opening cutscene of Outskirts.

• "We're going in. Get tactical Marines!" Opening cutscene of Outskirts (Level).

• "We got Jackals in the courtyard!" During gameplay in Outskirts (Level).

• "Looks like your freaky little mouth just bit off more than it could chew !" to a Grunt on the level, Outskirts.

• "Don't they teach you kids how to swear in basic anymore!?" - Outskirts (Normal).

• "Oh I know what the ladies like..." To Cortana when she thanks him for bringing her and the Master Chief a tank... and while cocking an M-247. Opening cutscene of Metropolis.

• "(Spits) Say what?!" When he learns about Delta Halo in the opening cutscene of the level Delta Halo.

• "(Grunts) You know ? Your father never asked me for help either!" To Miranda Keyes after she retrieves the Index at the Library at the end of Quarantine Zone.

• "Listen, you don't like me, and I sure as hell don't like you. But if we don't do something, Mr. Mohawk's gonna activate this ring, and we're all gonna die." To the Arbiter, while piloting a Scarab, during The Great Journey.

• "Please... don't shake the light bulb!" Referring to 343 Guilty Spark in The Great Journey.

• "Come on, Arbiter, kick that guy's ass!" To the Arbiter during combat with Tartarus, during The Great Journey.

• "Don't make me take off my belt!"

• "Well, I just happen to have a key!" Towards the end of The Great Journey, when he is told that Tartarus has locked himself in the control room on Delta Halo and happens to be commandeering a Scarab.

• "Hey, bastards! Knock Knock!" Towards the end of The Great Journey when he blows open the control room on Delta Halo with a Scarab

• "Dont make me rip your arms off and beat you to death with them" When a grunt yells out "monkey"

Metropolis Speeches

"You had your chance to be afraid before you joined my beloved Corps! But, to guide you back to the true path, I brought this motivational device! Our big green style cannot be defeated!"

— Easy

"The Chief is gonna jump in this tank, roll across the bridge, and blow up any inhuman son-of-a-bitch dumb enough to get between him and the Prophet of Regret! Pull yourself together, cause you're going with him."

— Normal

"You hurt marine?(Marine says no) Then listen up! When I joined the Corps, we didn't have any fancy-schmanzy tanks. We had sticks! Two sticks, and a rock for the whole platoon- and we had to share the rock! Buck up, boy, you are one very lucky marine!"

— Heroic

"Usually the good Lord works in mysterious ways. But not today! This here is 66 tons of straight-up, H.E-spewing dee-vine intervention! If God is love, then you can call me Cupid!"

— Legendary

WARNING! HALO 3 PLOT SPOILERS BELOW!!

Halo 3

• "'What's an aspect ratio?' It's the shape and proportion of your screen, fool!" On the AV Calibration tool.
• "Keep pushing into the town of Voi Chief, three supply birds will meet you into the next bridge."
• "Crazy fool... why do you always jump?! One of these days, you're gonna land on something as stubborn as you are. And I don't do bits and pieces..." to the Master Chief at the beginning of Halo 3.
• "Come on, now. We've got enough to worry about without you two trying to kill each other!" to the Master Chief when he confronts the Arbiter at the beginning of Sierra 117.
• "Come on, you dumb apes! If you want breakfast, you gotta catch it!" to pursing Brutes on Sierra 117.
• "Send me out... with a bang." To the Master Chief; Johnson's last words.
• "Kick his ass." to the Master Chief after he hands over the Spartan Laser to help defeat 343 Guilty Spark.
• "Don't let her go... don't ever let her go." to the Master Chief about Cortana.
• "What's the matter, big shot? Can't start your own party?" When Truth needs him to activate The Ark.
• "E.T.A.: damn quick!" when the Master Chief needs EVAC on The Ark.
• "I did this for Hocus!!" When becoming a Flood Combat Form.(IWHBYD skull needed)
• "Friendly fire, dumbass!" When shot by friendly forces.
• "I'm sorry, Commander, there were too many. Even for me." when Brutes overtake the Op Centre on Crow's Nest.
• "This aint as fun as it looks. Cut the power!" When caught behind a Covenant energy field, held prisoner.
• "Ma'am? ...It's good to have you back." to Cortana, after she is rescued by the Master Chief.

The cutscene at the beginning of Sierra 117 in Halo 3 has several variations, and it is not yet known exactly which settings cause which

• "They must love the scent of testosterone." At the beginning of Sierra 117.
• "They must love the smell of green." At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Normal difficulty.
• "They must love the smell of hero." At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Heroic difficulty.
• "They must love the smell of badass." At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Legendary difficulty.
• "They must love the smell of badass. And I left a little present for you Arbiter, and I'm walking away." At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Legendary difficulty, with IWHBYD Skull turned on.
• "They must love the smell of a real man." At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Legendary difficulty with IWHBYD Skull on.
• "They must love the smell of Bulgari. Yeah that's right I'm doing a little bit of product placement, I gotta make a living too, you know!" At the beginning of Sierra 117, on Legendary with the IWHBYD Skull on.

HALO 3 PLOT SPOILERS END HERE

Books

• "The Flood? Hell Chief, its going to take more than that pack of walking alien horror-show freaks to take out Sergeant A. J. Johnson!"

• "Those Covenant sissies are going to have to tango with me before they set one foot in this room!"

• "That doesn't look like an Uneven Elephant to me, looks more like two squids kissing."

• Help me with the lady, she weighs more than your last girlfriend."

• Corporal Locklear: "Just shoot me now, Sarge and get it over with. Don't torture me with that crap first."

Sergeant Johnson: "Suck it up, Marine. This is a classic."

Corporal Locklear: "So's a mercy killing."

• "You better get it together, Marine or the Cheif'll reach down and pull you inside out by your cornhole. And that'll be a sweet, sweet mercy... compaired to what I'm gonna do to you."